Wednesday, June 30, 2004

 

guangzhou sunrise

ribbons the color of love across the sky tell me jenny my lover my love is coming to die in my arms and be reborn with me once two now one.

venus the morning star it shines through pink sky of blue behind and clouds of grey it fades to light before my eyes.

the light illuminates the page on which i write the rhythm guides the drive the light provides the rhythm in a wave beside the sea.

the ships along the river delta dock and sail as night becomes the day the pearls along the bottom shine.

and jenny my lover my love will discover today we together will sail forever the spark that has traveled from mountains through valleys past fields underground into every living thing has come round as the sun ascends the sky tributaries of love the reason why join together to make at last to fly to the ocean as elderly make tea cats screech and crickets know it's hot.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

 

dengue fever

the disease is still there it's always midnight guangzhou ren speak cantonese much faster than hong kong ren i'm gonna learn cantonese i'm gonna marry jenny.

mountains in the distance there are always mountains in the distance it's not so easy to write on a train but we've covered that.

last night i had the strangest dream i ever had before. it wasn't a dream it was delirium these people next to me are laughin about somethin.

dengue fever was the joke it was the flu. here come the cops looks like they got somebody they been hasslin people all morning.

train stops people get off people get on get to the point what's the point it's the joint! what is that foreigner writing? why are we on a train again? we're on a train because we're going back to guangzhou why are we going back to guangzhou we're going back to guangzhou because i'm gonna marry jenny. we were in kunming now we're on the train there go the people i'm thirsty so is caesar somebody better bring us some water.

"there's a mama in here, in bed with a baby, and it's giving me an erection."

"my stomach is cramping."

my dick is *this* big and i wanna put it in jenny cheng and keep it there forever how do i know? we woke up sunday morning june 6 shit stretch catch and caesar says i wanna fuck daisy so he calls her up.

"daisy, this is charles. let's play."

lunch is arranged. daisy brings jenny. the problem there's a problem daisy says take a cab to old mountain building that's the name of the restaurant so we're like fuck that we'll find it ourselves so we do. what's the problem the problem is there's another old mountain building. we call them daisy: "were are you? we are very worried." we're at the restaurant where are you? they're at the station great we'll meet you at the station walk walk walk run run run blah blah blah where the hell is the station how could we possibly have gone this far here it is. you go that way i'll go that way.

a guangzhou metro station is a labrynth of tunnels and exits all over the multi-block area we run all around above ground and below we search high and low they're nowhere to be found. we call them again.

"we're at the station."

"so are we."

"which exit?"

"exit a."

"ok we'll see you---"

"waitaminnit which station are you at?"

aha! we're wallace and grommit with a station instead of trousers.

when there's one person in the world you wanna see it doesn't matter where you are you wanna be with that person that person is jenny cheng she lives in guangzhou.

how do i know? daisy never made lunch she had to work. jenny showed up caesar said this is illegal i'm going home. the food had already been ordered it was a feast there were two of us. pig's feet spicy fish soup vegetables tofu and pork legs they give you plastic gloves you can hold them and gnaw and a plastic straw you stick it in and suck out the marrow. mmm that's good pork. rice as usual everything comes with rice.

daisy works as you know at the train station we went there to give her her phone jenny had it so we could find her.

we leave the station and we're free! we go to beijing road the guangzhou shopping mecca built on top of the ancient song and ming dynasty roads i already told you about that we went there. i bought jenny earrings she tried to stop me we signed our names on this big red carpet and entered a contest maybe we'll win. we have already won when jenny and me are together and free we! are the winners.

"where are you right now?"

"date with jenny."

"damn you're far. that's a pivotal day right there."

"yup."

then caesar starts talking about his bowels it should all be recorded but i can't write that fast. here's a sample:

"oh god oh god i should go to the toilet but i don't wanna. there's only so many times i can take a shit in a fuckin hole."

that's right we're in china. it's a lot cleaner than it was in '95 i can tell you that. i can say that for it.

"chinese dudes must be bad at fucking because they all got these long black nails. i mean they all got nails longer than the women. they got nails like opium addicts you know what i'm sayin?"

"i do feel a lot better. that doesn't change the fact that i gotta shit a couple times."

caesar is so quotable he should write a book commentaries on the chinese wars the conquest of china so many women wanna be white they lighten their hair they bleach their face they're fuckin up their beauty i know i unpluraled i can do this to their fuckin up. they're beauty.

grammar is the tool of meaning a tool it's not the only one but we are far too far afield we were talking about jenny.

it's always about jenny everything's always about jenny i can't help it i went to kunming and i got sick the closer i get to jenny the better i feel.

time to go to the movie first we went shopping we got pig intestines chicken feet and chocolate.

i'm sitting on a train the women always brush against me when they pass but the men never touch me.

and what is there to say we watched a movie the seats were comfy we had a good time we ate things you wouldn't eat at one point i grabbed her hand she was confused but she let me then she stroked my wrist with her middle finger then i let go. somehow there was an air of brutality. something i disassociate with even though men are from mars.

the sun is setting over the mountains which is appropriate because after the movie what do we do we go to find daisy. jenny thinks of others always thinks of others before herself it's her finest quality it's also annoying as shit. daisy wants to disco what do we do we go find daisy.

she has 20 minutes till she gets off we call charles he's not sure about the disco we'll call him back. at this point i pull jenny away to talk to her it's hard for her to concentrate what about daisy? but i tell her i want to spend time with you, jenny. i don't want to spend time with daisy. the sun is setting on our beautiful day and jenny has to work tomorrow she works for 9 days straight 9 days on and 3 days off in a tollbooth in the middle of nowhere. this is our last night maybe ever so it's time to lay it on the line.

"let's find a place to sit down." we walk around the station not there not there go downstairs people sitting there how bout over here here we go. ok.

"i like you. do you like me?" it's too direct she can't answer a question like this she talks about various unimportant things i try once again to explain to her that i want to spend more time with her alone but something's not getting through our best language is mandarin neither of us is a native speaker.

"when are you going back home?"

"i don't know. maybe never."

"what do you mean, never? you have to go back. your visa will expire."

my visa will expire my visa will expire you see this is the kind of thing that gets in your way when you live the reality that people live no my visa will never expire if i don't want it to you have to think outside the box you fail to realize the implications the best way i can say it is "i'm an american. i do what i want."

we talk some more but we're just not getting anywhere she can't give me a straight answer about her feelings and daisy of course is about to get off work so we have to talk about the disco i don't wanna disco i've been to chinese discos they suck worse than european discos i'm going home. i go upstairs to buy a subway ticket but by the time i get back daisy's ready to go there's nothing i can do they're coming with me. there's nothing i can do there.

amy joins us on the train she's so sweet and she looks great in her black dress with the necklace we gave her with the name we gave her on it. but she has to go home when we get off the train we walk her to the bus then we wait for daisy. i'm so sick of waiting for daisy. daisy shows up with a little boy in tow this one's named michael can he come with us to the hotel? sure, it's a party.

we're almost there and we gotta stop and get food. i just wanna go home and go to bed and once again i am waiting. finally i walk off they know where we live. they catch up to me i wonder what caesar's gonna do there's always the chance that he'll kill everybody whatever happens it should be entertaining.

here we are knock knock knock hey! i brought friends everybody make yourself at home it's great.

we eat some food we drink some beer caesar really doesn't like michael he says i'm outta here.

"where did charles go?"

"i don't know he wanted to walk around or something." i'm always having to explain the boy's actions but this is good now if i can get rid of daisy and michael i can have jenny all to myself. it's not gonna happen caesar returns and he's brought a friend james from uganda james is the best he hangs with us for a while he really brings up our spirits because i'm never gonna see jenny again and she's over there talking to michael and fuck it.

james leaves at 4 maybe caesar will tell you about him and then it's time for michael to go. we---i---usher him out and the shit hits the fan. daisy can't believe it if michael's going i'm going too it was that easy? kidding aside jenny stays behind to explain to us that when you invite someone to your place they stay for the night and she knows that they're annoying little kids and it was all a misunderstanding. what a great girl she understands people and she just wants to help them and now she has to go she has to go talk daisy down. no, daisy's fine. stay. no, i have to go. ok. goodbye. shitty end to a beautiful day.

sleep but then she calls she's at the internet cafe can you come over yes i'll see you soon i put on pants and run around and there she is she sits at the desk the morning light the light of the screen her windswept eyes she talks to me. daisy is not letting herself be found. we send eachother emails we soak up whatever moments we have left there is peace there is silence there are smiles. and then it's time to go i walk her to the stop she takes the bus i kiss her on the cheek we say goodbye. i picture in my mind her face is fixed inside my mind her hair is blowing in the nonexistent wind. we drift apart at sunrise air is cool and slightly dry it is the best you're gonna get this is guangzhou. and that is it the story goes but that's the end continue till forever there is only everything.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

 

everybody wants a rock

where was i i forgot the point that i was making i said if i was smart that i would save up for a piece of string and a rock to wind the string around. everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around. here comes the cat she's a psycho cat but you can't blame her she's 9 months old and she's been passed around like a joint at a mos def show.

she's grown accustomed to us though. we sit around and she picks a lap and curls up into a ball. she stretches out on my leg and i stroke the length of her body her head her neck and down her spine her skinny kitty furry body it makes me think of jenny. cheng jun yan beautifully capable and intelligent i want to stroke the length of her feet massage them kiss her tiny buds. i can't stop thinking about this girl i sent an email i can't wait to see you again she said what? you can't wait to see me? why? i will be here i will wait for you in guangzhou perhaps some explanation is in order.

what did we do on saturday june 5 2004 the day after we met we went to bai yun shan white cloud mountain. to all the girls i've loved before i'm sorry if this hurts it's love i feel i gotta express we went with daisy jason trouble jenny amy couldn't make it tooth still hurt. trouble we met at the pool the night before another one of daisy's little boyfriends. lots of fun we walk well first we bus, to the mountain then we walk. up up up what happens naturally it's me and jenny talking. she says everything in english and chinese to best be understood i speak in mandarin. she also teaches me cantonese it's just so free and easy we float along and flow a song we sing our hearts have met a thousand times in lives before who knows we say whatever comes our way we play and learn and what? the others talk while jason watches daisy wants her not to fuck another sorry jason you are doomed to frustrated existence but just stick it out and she'll be yours quite possibly. you are her back-up plan.

oblivious we flow and go until some other interrupts and then we ease back into what we talked about i have no clue. i ask her do you want to go somewhere with me alone tomorrow maybe see a movie she says how about the day after tomorrow hou tian in chinese i say i don't think i can she says why? have you seen it oh! you mean the movie the day after tomorrow yes! let's do it!

walk and talk up to the top and pictures show we made it it got dark as we walked down and we were hungry. still we talked and laughed and who made this poor young chinese girl fit the jigsaw puzzle next to white aristocratic lucky me? we went to dinner all of us and caesar ate some bone again and then we all went back to the hotel.

we opened up the map of china showed them our intended journey oohs and aahs our lives are so exciting. and jenny sitting on my bed and smiling in my eyes she talks of what activities we'll do next day.

yes let's i want to do them all let's ride a boat let's see the road that ancient empires built let's touch the stars.

i want to be with you to do the things you want to do to see you smile like you can do you shine your eyes.

and what is happening to me i can't see any other me except the me with you i see belong.

and so we say goodbye we will enchant eachother's eyes when we again engage our hearts in dancing light.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

 

darko's in the game!

rebound!

i said this was illegal but that was before the milicic.

kobe gonna score!

"he owns the team in italy that his dad played for. it was the first thing he bought. their gonna take it away from him when he goes to jail."

"they're not gonna do that." ---flynn

"you're right because their prime minister is the biggest crook in the world."

88-68 that's the end!
 

detroit

it's 56-42 with 6 minutes left in the third the pistons can play this game kobe gonna score. chauncy billups needs to run the offense and not try to be kobe bryant. ben wallace is a successful rebounder. 58-44. i've written a lot about how in baseball the important let's say the playoff skills kobe is a bitch are contact and speed well there is an analogue in biskitball it's defense and shooting.

"i think after the championships phil jackson's gonna quit and kobe's gonna go to jail."

"it's what i like to call the least expected ending."

caesar is funny and so are all the things people are writing from around the world if you compare the nba to life and death and say the nba is better then they will approve of your statement and put it on tv. 60-44.

detroit is playing slowdown and that's cool but what they need to do is run the offense while they slow it down. fisher for 3 60-47. 13 points in the third quarter is not enough.

what a great story rasheed wallace dogged all year by the likes of bill moron walton there's his ugly son and now he's in the finals. fuck the rapist it's the wallace brothers. i'm not sayin kobe did it because i don't care. kobe gonna score. luke. 60-49.

rip hamilton! 62-49 and 1! 63.

"kobe's a fuckin ho."

63-51 end of the third.

coca cola or should i say kekou kele knows how to sell kids sugar their commercials are in english. we're here in kunming staying with matt flynn matt's the best and so is his roommate john who is very happy about arsenal's undefeated season. the cat maomao is asleep on my lap in a blanket divot she just got up.

americans love sports with rules we are fascinated by discipline and punishment laws and stoppage of play fuck that shit soccer is a much better sport but i'm not a soccer fan i love baseball. some of you know this.

corliss on the line. one. two. fisher has the ball.

jeremy's on the phone it's very important caesar wakes up the brit. he wants to talk to efe i don't know how to spell his name he's nigerian he told me where the toilet was last night at the speakeasy where we had good times actually it's a depressing hole but the hairy one should tell that story.

the lakers have 51 points with 10:15 left in the game. nice kickout nice three. rip! fast break this ain't even funny it's 70-51.

"the pistons are takin the lakers apart" says the killer of men and usurper of wives cleaner of the sewers man of the people.

three times they offered the crown three times! he said no.

72-52 8:32.

"it would be something special if the lakers could pull their heads out of their asses and pull within ten." speaking of pulling the chinese word for diarrhea is pulled stomach la duzi and we ain't got it day 9 we ain't got it. that's a record. they cleaned this country up since we been here there's all these commercials about microbes and washing your hands and washing the fish guts off the cutting board before you slice the fruit and it's working. hong kong had public service posters about dengue fever.

tom from belgium says if the pistons keep playing like this not even the original dream team can beat them not anymore those mutherfuckers are old.

kobe's got 9 points.

72-54 8:01 73. 74.

it's interesting the pistons feel it's more important to double kobe than shaq although they double shaq too with the wallace brothers but ben wallace can d-up that giant i just called him aristotle but i had to go back and erase it because that is an unconscionable insult. 74-57 7:27. shaq missed two.

rip! 77-59 6:46.

ben wallace just took the ball out of shaq's hands just took it out but his force carried him out of bounds still. impressive.

phil is not happy.

rasheed on the line.

"this is hilarious we're in kunming and we're watching the nba finals."

"if we could get baseball in china this would be the perfect place."

rasheed hit one it's 78-59.

this is the year people start payin attention to ben wallace. i said that and then he dunked it with authority.

this game is sloppy. 80-62 3:38.

84-64 2:50. this is illegal. i'm going home.
 

unencumber yourself

unencumber your elf we took a trip here we are where are we are here we are. the border of yunnan, guangxi, and guizhou. the tri-province area.

"what are you gonna write?"

"we'll see."

"are you gonna write love poetry . . . to jenny?"

"there are many girls to write love poetry to. all women are the mother."

the train keeps a-rollin.

keep a-roll in. you a-hole.

now i'm gonna tell you about jenny.

her name is jenny cheng she's from guangzhou here's how we met:

high speed train shenzhen to guangzhou here we are guangzhou east station guangzhou is in guangdong province. we started that morning in hong kong we've been travelling all day we are tired. we want to go to kunming but the banks are closed we have no money. none of the right color, anyway: it's all green. the good colors are red, purple, and orange.

we sit down and talk. there's people there's always people but this place is relatively deserted.

clip! clop! clip! clop! goofy gangly girl cloppin around in a official train station uniform clip! clop! there she goes there she is! there she goes here she comes!

"stand up!" that's the first thing she says to us so we stand up we start talking she's super-friendly she talks to us the banks are closed what are you doing here? you can't go to kunming you crazy foreigners you have to wait. what's your name?

"sandy."

"tomorrow, i no have work. let's play!"

yes we will play you skinny little girl with the big ass when you go clip! clop! stompin around shakin and stompin we talk and talk chinese and english try to make plans and this guy comes up he's like you got a hotel? no, we don't want one. what are you gonna do? we don't care we'll find one ourselves we don't need your help blah blah blah we talk and talk this guy is tryin to get us in his hotel but we're trying to get us in this sandy he wants to put us in the most expensive hotel ha ha ha then he changes his tack when we can't understand him the girl tries to help but her english isn't very good neither is her mandarin she's cantonese but she makes up for it with exuberance she's great.

she's 20 years old and we're trying to make plans to get together tomorrow but this guy keeps trying to get us in his hotel we don't care we want to talk to sandy we want to play. we work it out we get her phone number her name is zhang chao lan---super orchid! we'll call her tomorrow. the guy lowers his offer to 150 rmb 20 dollars we say ok off we go. cab ride to he qun da sha socialite mansion we see a giant decorative apple green atop a building. here we are the people are nice in the elevator the guy gives us 50 rmb we give them 200. they live on the third floor they're some kind of sub-contractors there's a main desk downstairs but they tell us not to go there.

mountains surrounded by fields islands of mountain with mountains in the distance. back to the story we go to sleep halfway around the world we reset our clocks actually we keep the same hours but now we're sleeping at 10 and waking at dawn.

stretch play catch what a crowd look at those crazy foreigners! there's a canal running through the middle of our street it's beautiful chinese people pay attention to harmony---feng shui and all that.

back to the mansion call sandy meet me at blah blah metro station exit a. ok!

she's late she brings her friend jason hey jason here we go ktv karaoke! fun fun fun i sing first something i can't remember yes i can i will always love you. i sang it to every woman in the world. then i sang we are the champions because it was true. charles joined in for sittin on the dock of the bay we were sittin on the dock of the bay.

watchin the ships come in and then our ship came in who's that? the light shined the angels sang two fresh young faces flowed in hair black long wind swept light brown necks i like that one.

"these are my friends."

nice to meet you.

beautiful almond eyes i can say that wide nose flared nostrils lips expressing fullness kissing life. the small bridge of nose eyes back sweep forward nostrils lips and chin and knowing smile. this is jenny.

amy too sweet smile round face light freckles hot hot hot nice tits great ass. oranges no papayas turn round look at that caboose full round in jeans how do you get a girl like that so skinny with a basketball cut in half on the back. it runs in the family she's sandy's sister.

"i want a new name!" amy didn't have a name yet we named her amy and her sister sandy didn't like sandy she wanted a new name we named her daisy. good names we did good work. we ate food and sang songs we took pictures a good time was had by all.

here we go again next day i continue the post. after ktv we went to 10,000 crocodile park. we rode the bus. we were too late but that's not the important part the important part is i sat next to jenny for the entire hour and a half ride and the entire

"i had this chao named coco that used to bite children. she was a great dog." ---caesar.

hour and a half ride back. no only an hour of the return ride because amy had a toothache and jenny got off with her to help her find a dentist. she always thinks of others before herself. we will see the extent to which this phenomenon manifests. shall.

we talked and talked it just happened naturally we naturally shared space look at this we're sitting next to each other we naturally talked i don't even remember what we talked about she told me she works and goes to school she has a terrible job but it's better than the one she used to have but she wants to do better so she goes to school too she studies business administration she likes it. her mom lives in hong kong because she couldn't find work in guangzhou we talked about beijing it's the only place she's ever been besides guangzhou it's the only time she's ever ridden a train she's never been in an airplane. neither one of us knew it but we were falling in love.

jenny and amy got off the bus that left daisy jason me and caesar we ate at a place hot pot good food daisy ate all the chicken feet i didn't get any caesar thought fish was eggplant ate bone.

metro swimming took the metro to the public pool went swimming chinese girls are hot. it's late it's time for bed.

chinese people always wanna have a plan what are we gonna do tomorrow i don't know just hang out but what are we gonna do we gotta do something we'll do something.

post now more later.

Monday, June 07, 2004

 

death has not touched us

death is your most trusted advisor. death sits at your left. whenever you have a question, turn to your left, and death will say "i have not touched you."

this is our first post. next we have literature.

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