Tuesday, June 29, 2004
dengue fever
the disease is still there it's always midnight guangzhou ren speak cantonese much faster than hong kong ren i'm gonna learn cantonese i'm gonna marry jenny.
mountains in the distance there are always mountains in the distance it's not so easy to write on a train but we've covered that.
last night i had the strangest dream i ever had before. it wasn't a dream it was delirium these people next to me are laughin about somethin.
dengue fever was the joke it was the flu. here come the cops looks like they got somebody they been hasslin people all morning.
train stops people get off people get on get to the point what's the point it's the joint! what is that foreigner writing? why are we on a train again? we're on a train because we're going back to guangzhou why are we going back to guangzhou we're going back to guangzhou because i'm gonna marry jenny. we were in kunming now we're on the train there go the people i'm thirsty so is caesar somebody better bring us some water.
"there's a mama in here, in bed with a baby, and it's giving me an erection."
"my stomach is cramping."
my dick is *this* big and i wanna put it in jenny cheng and keep it there forever how do i know? we woke up sunday morning june 6 shit stretch catch and caesar says i wanna fuck daisy so he calls her up.
"daisy, this is charles. let's play."
lunch is arranged. daisy brings jenny. the problem there's a problem daisy says take a cab to old mountain building that's the name of the restaurant so we're like fuck that we'll find it ourselves so we do. what's the problem the problem is there's another old mountain building. we call them daisy: "were are you? we are very worried." we're at the restaurant where are you? they're at the station great we'll meet you at the station walk walk walk run run run blah blah blah where the hell is the station how could we possibly have gone this far here it is. you go that way i'll go that way.
a guangzhou metro station is a labrynth of tunnels and exits all over the multi-block area we run all around above ground and below we search high and low they're nowhere to be found. we call them again.
"we're at the station."
"so are we."
"which exit?"
"exit a."
"ok we'll see you---"
"waitaminnit which station are you at?"
aha! we're wallace and grommit with a station instead of trousers.
when there's one person in the world you wanna see it doesn't matter where you are you wanna be with that person that person is jenny cheng she lives in guangzhou.
how do i know? daisy never made lunch she had to work. jenny showed up caesar said this is illegal i'm going home. the food had already been ordered it was a feast there were two of us. pig's feet spicy fish soup vegetables tofu and pork legs they give you plastic gloves you can hold them and gnaw and a plastic straw you stick it in and suck out the marrow. mmm that's good pork. rice as usual everything comes with rice.
daisy works as you know at the train station we went there to give her her phone jenny had it so we could find her.
we leave the station and we're free! we go to beijing road the guangzhou shopping mecca built on top of the ancient song and ming dynasty roads i already told you about that we went there. i bought jenny earrings she tried to stop me we signed our names on this big red carpet and entered a contest maybe we'll win. we have already won when jenny and me are together and free we! are the winners.
"where are you right now?"
"date with jenny."
"damn you're far. that's a pivotal day right there."
"yup."
then caesar starts talking about his bowels it should all be recorded but i can't write that fast. here's a sample:
"oh god oh god i should go to the toilet but i don't wanna. there's only so many times i can take a shit in a fuckin hole."
that's right we're in china. it's a lot cleaner than it was in '95 i can tell you that. i can say that for it.
"chinese dudes must be bad at fucking because they all got these long black nails. i mean they all got nails longer than the women. they got nails like opium addicts you know what i'm sayin?"
"i do feel a lot better. that doesn't change the fact that i gotta shit a couple times."
caesar is so quotable he should write a book commentaries on the chinese wars the conquest of china so many women wanna be white they lighten their hair they bleach their face they're fuckin up their beauty i know i unpluraled i can do this to their fuckin up. they're beauty.
grammar is the tool of meaning a tool it's not the only one but we are far too far afield we were talking about jenny.
it's always about jenny everything's always about jenny i can't help it i went to kunming and i got sick the closer i get to jenny the better i feel.
time to go to the movie first we went shopping we got pig intestines chicken feet and chocolate.
i'm sitting on a train the women always brush against me when they pass but the men never touch me.
and what is there to say we watched a movie the seats were comfy we had a good time we ate things you wouldn't eat at one point i grabbed her hand she was confused but she let me then she stroked my wrist with her middle finger then i let go. somehow there was an air of brutality. something i disassociate with even though men are from mars.
the sun is setting over the mountains which is appropriate because after the movie what do we do we go to find daisy. jenny thinks of others always thinks of others before herself it's her finest quality it's also annoying as shit. daisy wants to disco what do we do we go find daisy.
she has 20 minutes till she gets off we call charles he's not sure about the disco we'll call him back. at this point i pull jenny away to talk to her it's hard for her to concentrate what about daisy? but i tell her i want to spend time with you, jenny. i don't want to spend time with daisy. the sun is setting on our beautiful day and jenny has to work tomorrow she works for 9 days straight 9 days on and 3 days off in a tollbooth in the middle of nowhere. this is our last night maybe ever so it's time to lay it on the line.
"let's find a place to sit down." we walk around the station not there not there go downstairs people sitting there how bout over here here we go. ok.
"i like you. do you like me?" it's too direct she can't answer a question like this she talks about various unimportant things i try once again to explain to her that i want to spend more time with her alone but something's not getting through our best language is mandarin neither of us is a native speaker.
"when are you going back home?"
"i don't know. maybe never."
"what do you mean, never? you have to go back. your visa will expire."
my visa will expire my visa will expire you see this is the kind of thing that gets in your way when you live the reality that people live no my visa will never expire if i don't want it to you have to think outside the box you fail to realize the implications the best way i can say it is "i'm an american. i do what i want."
we talk some more but we're just not getting anywhere she can't give me a straight answer about her feelings and daisy of course is about to get off work so we have to talk about the disco i don't wanna disco i've been to chinese discos they suck worse than european discos i'm going home. i go upstairs to buy a subway ticket but by the time i get back daisy's ready to go there's nothing i can do they're coming with me. there's nothing i can do there.
amy joins us on the train she's so sweet and she looks great in her black dress with the necklace we gave her with the name we gave her on it. but she has to go home when we get off the train we walk her to the bus then we wait for daisy. i'm so sick of waiting for daisy. daisy shows up with a little boy in tow this one's named michael can he come with us to the hotel? sure, it's a party.
we're almost there and we gotta stop and get food. i just wanna go home and go to bed and once again i am waiting. finally i walk off they know where we live. they catch up to me i wonder what caesar's gonna do there's always the chance that he'll kill everybody whatever happens it should be entertaining.
here we are knock knock knock hey! i brought friends everybody make yourself at home it's great.
we eat some food we drink some beer caesar really doesn't like michael he says i'm outta here.
"where did charles go?"
"i don't know he wanted to walk around or something." i'm always having to explain the boy's actions but this is good now if i can get rid of daisy and michael i can have jenny all to myself. it's not gonna happen caesar returns and he's brought a friend james from uganda james is the best he hangs with us for a while he really brings up our spirits because i'm never gonna see jenny again and she's over there talking to michael and fuck it.
james leaves at 4 maybe caesar will tell you about him and then it's time for michael to go. we---i---usher him out and the shit hits the fan. daisy can't believe it if michael's going i'm going too it was that easy? kidding aside jenny stays behind to explain to us that when you invite someone to your place they stay for the night and she knows that they're annoying little kids and it was all a misunderstanding. what a great girl she understands people and she just wants to help them and now she has to go she has to go talk daisy down. no, daisy's fine. stay. no, i have to go. ok. goodbye. shitty end to a beautiful day.
sleep but then she calls she's at the internet cafe can you come over yes i'll see you soon i put on pants and run around and there she is she sits at the desk the morning light the light of the screen her windswept eyes she talks to me. daisy is not letting herself be found. we send eachother emails we soak up whatever moments we have left there is peace there is silence there are smiles. and then it's time to go i walk her to the stop she takes the bus i kiss her on the cheek we say goodbye. i picture in my mind her face is fixed inside my mind her hair is blowing in the nonexistent wind. we drift apart at sunrise air is cool and slightly dry it is the best you're gonna get this is guangzhou. and that is it the story goes but that's the end continue till forever there is only everything.
mountains in the distance there are always mountains in the distance it's not so easy to write on a train but we've covered that.
last night i had the strangest dream i ever had before. it wasn't a dream it was delirium these people next to me are laughin about somethin.
dengue fever was the joke it was the flu. here come the cops looks like they got somebody they been hasslin people all morning.
train stops people get off people get on get to the point what's the point it's the joint! what is that foreigner writing? why are we on a train again? we're on a train because we're going back to guangzhou why are we going back to guangzhou we're going back to guangzhou because i'm gonna marry jenny. we were in kunming now we're on the train there go the people i'm thirsty so is caesar somebody better bring us some water.
"there's a mama in here, in bed with a baby, and it's giving me an erection."
"my stomach is cramping."
my dick is *this* big and i wanna put it in jenny cheng and keep it there forever how do i know? we woke up sunday morning june 6 shit stretch catch and caesar says i wanna fuck daisy so he calls her up.
"daisy, this is charles. let's play."
lunch is arranged. daisy brings jenny. the problem there's a problem daisy says take a cab to old mountain building that's the name of the restaurant so we're like fuck that we'll find it ourselves so we do. what's the problem the problem is there's another old mountain building. we call them daisy: "were are you? we are very worried." we're at the restaurant where are you? they're at the station great we'll meet you at the station walk walk walk run run run blah blah blah where the hell is the station how could we possibly have gone this far here it is. you go that way i'll go that way.
a guangzhou metro station is a labrynth of tunnels and exits all over the multi-block area we run all around above ground and below we search high and low they're nowhere to be found. we call them again.
"we're at the station."
"so are we."
"which exit?"
"exit a."
"ok we'll see you---"
"waitaminnit which station are you at?"
aha! we're wallace and grommit with a station instead of trousers.
when there's one person in the world you wanna see it doesn't matter where you are you wanna be with that person that person is jenny cheng she lives in guangzhou.
how do i know? daisy never made lunch she had to work. jenny showed up caesar said this is illegal i'm going home. the food had already been ordered it was a feast there were two of us. pig's feet spicy fish soup vegetables tofu and pork legs they give you plastic gloves you can hold them and gnaw and a plastic straw you stick it in and suck out the marrow. mmm that's good pork. rice as usual everything comes with rice.
daisy works as you know at the train station we went there to give her her phone jenny had it so we could find her.
we leave the station and we're free! we go to beijing road the guangzhou shopping mecca built on top of the ancient song and ming dynasty roads i already told you about that we went there. i bought jenny earrings she tried to stop me we signed our names on this big red carpet and entered a contest maybe we'll win. we have already won when jenny and me are together and free we! are the winners.
"where are you right now?"
"date with jenny."
"damn you're far. that's a pivotal day right there."
"yup."
then caesar starts talking about his bowels it should all be recorded but i can't write that fast. here's a sample:
"oh god oh god i should go to the toilet but i don't wanna. there's only so many times i can take a shit in a fuckin hole."
that's right we're in china. it's a lot cleaner than it was in '95 i can tell you that. i can say that for it.
"chinese dudes must be bad at fucking because they all got these long black nails. i mean they all got nails longer than the women. they got nails like opium addicts you know what i'm sayin?"
"i do feel a lot better. that doesn't change the fact that i gotta shit a couple times."
caesar is so quotable he should write a book commentaries on the chinese wars the conquest of china so many women wanna be white they lighten their hair they bleach their face they're fuckin up their beauty i know i unpluraled i can do this to their fuckin up. they're beauty.
grammar is the tool of meaning a tool it's not the only one but we are far too far afield we were talking about jenny.
it's always about jenny everything's always about jenny i can't help it i went to kunming and i got sick the closer i get to jenny the better i feel.
time to go to the movie first we went shopping we got pig intestines chicken feet and chocolate.
i'm sitting on a train the women always brush against me when they pass but the men never touch me.
and what is there to say we watched a movie the seats were comfy we had a good time we ate things you wouldn't eat at one point i grabbed her hand she was confused but she let me then she stroked my wrist with her middle finger then i let go. somehow there was an air of brutality. something i disassociate with even though men are from mars.
the sun is setting over the mountains which is appropriate because after the movie what do we do we go to find daisy. jenny thinks of others always thinks of others before herself it's her finest quality it's also annoying as shit. daisy wants to disco what do we do we go find daisy.
she has 20 minutes till she gets off we call charles he's not sure about the disco we'll call him back. at this point i pull jenny away to talk to her it's hard for her to concentrate what about daisy? but i tell her i want to spend time with you, jenny. i don't want to spend time with daisy. the sun is setting on our beautiful day and jenny has to work tomorrow she works for 9 days straight 9 days on and 3 days off in a tollbooth in the middle of nowhere. this is our last night maybe ever so it's time to lay it on the line.
"let's find a place to sit down." we walk around the station not there not there go downstairs people sitting there how bout over here here we go. ok.
"i like you. do you like me?" it's too direct she can't answer a question like this she talks about various unimportant things i try once again to explain to her that i want to spend more time with her alone but something's not getting through our best language is mandarin neither of us is a native speaker.
"when are you going back home?"
"i don't know. maybe never."
"what do you mean, never? you have to go back. your visa will expire."
my visa will expire my visa will expire you see this is the kind of thing that gets in your way when you live the reality that people live no my visa will never expire if i don't want it to you have to think outside the box you fail to realize the implications the best way i can say it is "i'm an american. i do what i want."
we talk some more but we're just not getting anywhere she can't give me a straight answer about her feelings and daisy of course is about to get off work so we have to talk about the disco i don't wanna disco i've been to chinese discos they suck worse than european discos i'm going home. i go upstairs to buy a subway ticket but by the time i get back daisy's ready to go there's nothing i can do they're coming with me. there's nothing i can do there.
amy joins us on the train she's so sweet and she looks great in her black dress with the necklace we gave her with the name we gave her on it. but she has to go home when we get off the train we walk her to the bus then we wait for daisy. i'm so sick of waiting for daisy. daisy shows up with a little boy in tow this one's named michael can he come with us to the hotel? sure, it's a party.
we're almost there and we gotta stop and get food. i just wanna go home and go to bed and once again i am waiting. finally i walk off they know where we live. they catch up to me i wonder what caesar's gonna do there's always the chance that he'll kill everybody whatever happens it should be entertaining.
here we are knock knock knock hey! i brought friends everybody make yourself at home it's great.
we eat some food we drink some beer caesar really doesn't like michael he says i'm outta here.
"where did charles go?"
"i don't know he wanted to walk around or something." i'm always having to explain the boy's actions but this is good now if i can get rid of daisy and michael i can have jenny all to myself. it's not gonna happen caesar returns and he's brought a friend james from uganda james is the best he hangs with us for a while he really brings up our spirits because i'm never gonna see jenny again and she's over there talking to michael and fuck it.
james leaves at 4 maybe caesar will tell you about him and then it's time for michael to go. we---i---usher him out and the shit hits the fan. daisy can't believe it if michael's going i'm going too it was that easy? kidding aside jenny stays behind to explain to us that when you invite someone to your place they stay for the night and she knows that they're annoying little kids and it was all a misunderstanding. what a great girl she understands people and she just wants to help them and now she has to go she has to go talk daisy down. no, daisy's fine. stay. no, i have to go. ok. goodbye. shitty end to a beautiful day.
sleep but then she calls she's at the internet cafe can you come over yes i'll see you soon i put on pants and run around and there she is she sits at the desk the morning light the light of the screen her windswept eyes she talks to me. daisy is not letting herself be found. we send eachother emails we soak up whatever moments we have left there is peace there is silence there are smiles. and then it's time to go i walk her to the stop she takes the bus i kiss her on the cheek we say goodbye. i picture in my mind her face is fixed inside my mind her hair is blowing in the nonexistent wind. we drift apart at sunrise air is cool and slightly dry it is the best you're gonna get this is guangzhou. and that is it the story goes but that's the end continue till forever there is only everything.
