Thursday, August 19, 2004
stretch
the key this is a new page this is a new age is to start with nothing. nothing is something. something is everything. start with nothing because if you start with something you never get anything. the thing you never get is nothing nothing is a thing anything you want nothing satisfies and when you never get anything you never get nothing you never get everything. when you never get nothing you never get everything.
i keep writing i hold the pen i see the paper i wait for the mind to start i wait for the mind to tell the pen what to write i've gotta quit that i've gotta let the pen write the mind will echo the pen the best is when the pen writes but it fights the mind fights it's used to winning. i have to train myself to ignore the mind not ignore it i've got to train myself not to worry about just let the pen write because look at it go it's doing it. the author of this book is julien's pen. no more fucking, by julien's pen.
i adjust the paper and the mind goes on the mind goes on and on and on the mind goes on and salmon spawn and i'm a pawn in the great mind-game. no more! i want to play. i never knew i could play i always let my mind do it but the mind will learn the hard way who is boss. the mind need not apply it is the servant of the self.
because the self who is the self you are the self i am the self we are. the self is ever-lasting one is zero times infinity don't quibble only everything is true.
i stop and start and when i stop the mind does not it screams it doesn't like to not be paid attention to it is the mind. it minds. it minds still more when i ignore it when i start the nerve how could he think he can go on without his mind. but who is he see that's just it that's how they get you thinking still you must be still. but still the mind resists the stillness when it's still no longer rules it is the servant not the master it is still. the way to still it finally is to allow it to be free and say the mind is not the me inside the i. and then the mind tries every trick it flashes promises and sickens you with fear. it has no love it uses fear it has no power but you fear it is the truth. there is no fear you feel the love you know no fear no mind controls you feel the love. when there is love there is no fear and there is love mind has no fear with which to drive you from the path you walk with love. still mind no fear with love no tear full speed ahead until you're dead until you live. until you're dead you live to give until you live you're dead until you love to live you give your fear to death you fear you're dead you love you live you give your fear to love you live to give to love.
the cat population is increasing all the time. i feel strangely bloated. all i had last night was fruit. the plum i ate was not ripe. it wasn't terrible, but it could have been better. i knew i should have waited. why can't i wait?
it's raining. it rained yesterday. it's gonna rain tomorrow. it's rainy season. just like in tallahassee. the image in my mind is of the ditch at the bottom of the hill across from leon high school. that thing fills up! with water. (). /
sleepy time again. i don't have to sleep why do i think i have to sleep why do i think i need 8 hours why do i think? thinking makes me tired. i've been tired this week fei chang lei i don't know why i went to bed at 6:30 (pm) sunday and monday. last night i don't know it was 9:30 or something. now it's 3:30 some would say the middle of the but you don't have to how 'bout the morning? meher baba says the best way to sleep soundly is to get up when you wake up no matter what. i've been waking up at 5:45 and saying "i should stretch" and going back to sleep and waking up at 6:15 and saying "i should shower and get dressed" and going back to sleep and waking up at 7 and saying "ok i really gotta get up" and somehow move my body to a sitting position. but then that's the problem i sit there. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. i miss the bus i just can't care i'm too tired to move who are you?
adrian beltre is a motherfucker. he is tearing the ball in half this year. scott rolen, too, but he's been lucky. this is the year of the third baseman. third base is now a hitter's position. eric chavez aramis ramirez mike lowell alex fuckin rodriguez aubrey huff bill mueller won the batting title last year but they got kevin youkilis waiting in the wings watch out for eric hinske next year is the year he puts it all together. there's still some crap cf: the al central but it's like that with every position. melvin mora is crushing at third this year after crushing in center last year and crushing at short the year before. chone figgins is doing fine as a 3b/cf which you gotta respect will troy glaus ever be healthy? he probably will one of these years and he'll murder the ball maybe next year. chipper jones is back at third. and the minors are teeming. teeming? finally there is balance. the gloves are in the middle, the bats are on the lines.
4:00 time to stretch.
i keep writing i hold the pen i see the paper i wait for the mind to start i wait for the mind to tell the pen what to write i've gotta quit that i've gotta let the pen write the mind will echo the pen the best is when the pen writes but it fights the mind fights it's used to winning. i have to train myself to ignore the mind not ignore it i've got to train myself not to worry about just let the pen write because look at it go it's doing it. the author of this book is julien's pen. no more fucking, by julien's pen.
i adjust the paper and the mind goes on the mind goes on and on and on the mind goes on and salmon spawn and i'm a pawn in the great mind-game. no more! i want to play. i never knew i could play i always let my mind do it but the mind will learn the hard way who is boss. the mind need not apply it is the servant of the self.
because the self who is the self you are the self i am the self we are. the self is ever-lasting one is zero times infinity don't quibble only everything is true.
i stop and start and when i stop the mind does not it screams it doesn't like to not be paid attention to it is the mind. it minds. it minds still more when i ignore it when i start the nerve how could he think he can go on without his mind. but who is he see that's just it that's how they get you thinking still you must be still. but still the mind resists the stillness when it's still no longer rules it is the servant not the master it is still. the way to still it finally is to allow it to be free and say the mind is not the me inside the i. and then the mind tries every trick it flashes promises and sickens you with fear. it has no love it uses fear it has no power but you fear it is the truth. there is no fear you feel the love you know no fear no mind controls you feel the love. when there is love there is no fear and there is love mind has no fear with which to drive you from the path you walk with love. still mind no fear with love no tear full speed ahead until you're dead until you live. until you're dead you live to give until you live you're dead until you love to live you give your fear to death you fear you're dead you love you live you give your fear to love you live to give to love.
the cat population is increasing all the time. i feel strangely bloated. all i had last night was fruit. the plum i ate was not ripe. it wasn't terrible, but it could have been better. i knew i should have waited. why can't i wait?
it's raining. it rained yesterday. it's gonna rain tomorrow. it's rainy season. just like in tallahassee. the image in my mind is of the ditch at the bottom of the hill across from leon high school. that thing fills up! with water. (). /
sleepy time again. i don't have to sleep why do i think i have to sleep why do i think i need 8 hours why do i think? thinking makes me tired. i've been tired this week fei chang lei i don't know why i went to bed at 6:30 (pm) sunday and monday. last night i don't know it was 9:30 or something. now it's 3:30 some would say the middle of the but you don't have to how 'bout the morning? meher baba says the best way to sleep soundly is to get up when you wake up no matter what. i've been waking up at 5:45 and saying "i should stretch" and going back to sleep and waking up at 6:15 and saying "i should shower and get dressed" and going back to sleep and waking up at 7 and saying "ok i really gotta get up" and somehow move my body to a sitting position. but then that's the problem i sit there. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. i miss the bus i just can't care i'm too tired to move who are you?
adrian beltre is a motherfucker. he is tearing the ball in half this year. scott rolen, too, but he's been lucky. this is the year of the third baseman. third base is now a hitter's position. eric chavez aramis ramirez mike lowell alex fuckin rodriguez aubrey huff bill mueller won the batting title last year but they got kevin youkilis waiting in the wings watch out for eric hinske next year is the year he puts it all together. there's still some crap cf: the al central but it's like that with every position. melvin mora is crushing at third this year after crushing in center last year and crushing at short the year before. chone figgins is doing fine as a 3b/cf which you gotta respect will troy glaus ever be healthy? he probably will one of these years and he'll murder the ball maybe next year. chipper jones is back at third. and the minors are teeming. teeming? finally there is balance. the gloves are in the middle, the bats are on the lines.
4:00 time to stretch.
