Monday, August 09, 2004
green green grass
i had an idea i don't want any ideas when i start because that's old i have to have the idea at the same time that i write it the thing is i'm running out of paper. i wrote up the fronts and all but a few of the backs last night good stuff though, huh? and i forgot to get more today i still could it's 10:00 i'm sure i could find some somewhere but fuck it i have a few sheets left and if i really have to i'll write on something. it's not that dire actually i have a small notebook i just hate small paper to write on i like my lines to flow across the page.
flowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. . . .
i saw donna yesterday. it was 2 nights ago that i did all the writing. i saw her today, too. i was on the bus home from work, waiting for it to embark. her bus pulled up and dropped her off. our commutes are opposite. i didn't i could've jumped off and said hi but it seemed weird.
yesterday i saw her in the morning. she got off the bus i got on. she had been hoping to see me she had been wearing grungy clothes hoping we would play baseball play catch with the gloves and a ball. we had both been hoping we'd see eachother. we're in love but she's a 20-year-old virgin with a boyfriend. none of these things would keep me from fucking her if i chose but it would be an act of extreme violence. i'm not talking about rape i mean figuratively. whatever figuratively means everything is metaphor everything is real. i mean she's got this nice neat little virgin life and i would rip it to shreds. i could do it with one claw. it's not her who wants to be a virgin it's her boyfriend. he's afraid she won't want to be with him anymore. the more i think about it the more i realize there are serious problems here. maybe it's just that he's gay. but what if he's not. then they're gonna get married and have a terrible sex life. i don't know why i'm so worried about it. am i that concerned about her boyfriend's ability to fuck her or do i just wanna fuck her myself? my handwriting is turning to shit.
she hated the movie monster and she said "every word was a curseword." she's gonna hate my book. i taught alice some english today and she is so hot. then alice and bonnie (bai yun) helped me with the sleepover kids and they are hot but there's no time for interaction there cause it's about the kids.
constellation is "star seat" in chinese. chinese is hot. chinese women speaking chinese are hot. and i can talk to them. i can go up to any chinese woman and talk to her in chinese and she'll want to talk to me because i'm a rock star. i found amine's number i thought i had lost it i may quit my job there are so many opportunities that all pay better this guy wants me to be in commercials i still haven't sent him a picture here we are now on the short paper. we'll see how long this lasts i hate it already i just crossed an h. diana says my writing is choppier but better i hadn't noticed i certainly hadn't noticed it getting better i'm so modest no it was now that i think about it it was pretty shitty that book i wrote is pretty shitty but of course it's brilliant. you can't take out the shitty parts they're necessary the book must be whole it is. wholly brilliant, batman!
this paper is bad the pen doesn't flow it write stupid shit like "wholly brilliant, batman!" it's too soft writing on it feels like wading through knee-high grass. we had knee-high grass in our backyard when i was a kid. it was great it came up way past our knees cause we were kids. we built forts and tunnels all through that shit.
it's bedtime. good night.
flowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. . . .
i saw donna yesterday. it was 2 nights ago that i did all the writing. i saw her today, too. i was on the bus home from work, waiting for it to embark. her bus pulled up and dropped her off. our commutes are opposite. i didn't i could've jumped off and said hi but it seemed weird.
yesterday i saw her in the morning. she got off the bus i got on. she had been hoping to see me she had been wearing grungy clothes hoping we would play baseball play catch with the gloves and a ball. we had both been hoping we'd see eachother. we're in love but she's a 20-year-old virgin with a boyfriend. none of these things would keep me from fucking her if i chose but it would be an act of extreme violence. i'm not talking about rape i mean figuratively. whatever figuratively means everything is metaphor everything is real. i mean she's got this nice neat little virgin life and i would rip it to shreds. i could do it with one claw. it's not her who wants to be a virgin it's her boyfriend. he's afraid she won't want to be with him anymore. the more i think about it the more i realize there are serious problems here. maybe it's just that he's gay. but what if he's not. then they're gonna get married and have a terrible sex life. i don't know why i'm so worried about it. am i that concerned about her boyfriend's ability to fuck her or do i just wanna fuck her myself? my handwriting is turning to shit.
she hated the movie monster and she said "every word was a curseword." she's gonna hate my book. i taught alice some english today and she is so hot. then alice and bonnie (bai yun) helped me with the sleepover kids and they are hot but there's no time for interaction there cause it's about the kids.
constellation is "star seat" in chinese. chinese is hot. chinese women speaking chinese are hot. and i can talk to them. i can go up to any chinese woman and talk to her in chinese and she'll want to talk to me because i'm a rock star. i found amine's number i thought i had lost it i may quit my job there are so many opportunities that all pay better this guy wants me to be in commercials i still haven't sent him a picture here we are now on the short paper. we'll see how long this lasts i hate it already i just crossed an h. diana says my writing is choppier but better i hadn't noticed i certainly hadn't noticed it getting better i'm so modest no it was now that i think about it it was pretty shitty that book i wrote is pretty shitty but of course it's brilliant. you can't take out the shitty parts they're necessary the book must be whole it is. wholly brilliant, batman!
this paper is bad the pen doesn't flow it write stupid shit like "wholly brilliant, batman!" it's too soft writing on it feels like wading through knee-high grass. we had knee-high grass in our backyard when i was a kid. it was great it came up way past our knees cause we were kids. we built forts and tunnels all through that shit.
it's bedtime. good night.
